there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize