maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
