gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
