entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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