I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
