Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
