Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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