i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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