Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
nutella sex= disaster
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
