did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
