at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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