Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize