it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We talked him into tasing himself.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
