did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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