There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
