just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
