just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
