your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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