That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
