this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
