pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
