Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
