Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
