I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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