I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
