why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
