Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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