Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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