Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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