I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
dude. I can hear the air.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
