dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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