addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
