Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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