His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
we should paint friendship bongs
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