Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
