i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
