I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
