I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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