Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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