I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Everyone says I win the strip club
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
