Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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