We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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