so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize