No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
