New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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