I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
