"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize