i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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