I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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