why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
