Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
