the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
