no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
