Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize