This is not my ceiling
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
