He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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