what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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