but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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