At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
