drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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