my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
