I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize