so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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