You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
