i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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