those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize