and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just googled if crying burns calories
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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