she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize