There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
