i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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